Alpha Weizen

Alpha Weizen American Pale/Wheat Ale
Procured by my man Jay, 4.8% ABV

So here we are. Connecticut’s best brewery has released their rarely release wheat ale. A Hef. Perhaps my personal lease favorite style of beer. So being the totally professional decidedly amateur beer reviewer that I am, what do I do? Do I review it as it compares to other wheat ales? Perhaps.

Or to the vast array of NEBCO’s near-perfect line-up? No, that’s stupid.

Or base the review purely on the quality of the beer per the style? Yes, that’s actually what I try to do with every beer on these pages. But really, it’s a wheat ale, so it can’t be A-level stuff, but it could be A-level stuff when it comes to wheat ales. Right?

Right. So as I thought about this, it occurred to me that I had this same inner-turmoil with NEBCO’s Elm City Pilsner. I mean… a pils. A stupid, boring pils. Right?

Wrong. The Elm City is a fantastic pilsner that stands on its own. I have made a point of buying Elm City several times. That’s right, Mr. Fake Craft Beer Not Really A Geek has eschewed Sea Hag and other IPA’s and such in favor of the pils.

My point being that NEBCO beers stand on their own. So for me to go into the Alpha Weizen with some sort of asterisk looming in my head was stupid. I will judge this beer on its own merits, period.


I couldn’t really find anything.

I chose the elephant for the picture above because alpha male elephants rule the world. Lions don’t even mess with them. They will destroy you in mere seconds if you get in their way while they are trying to get some action.

She'sTiredI highly recommend finding the PBS series “Sex in the Wild.” They explore some of the most unique and fascinating animal sex – from dolphins to kangaroos to echidnas to orangutans to elephants. Evolution is an amazing thing to say the least.

Echidnas have four penises. Let that sink in.

And elephants, my word. The female’s birth canal is positioned in such a way so that when she gives birth (always at night), the baby elephant doesn’t die from the high drop to the ground. This creates an issue for the male’s Alpha Weiner to get where it needs to go to copulate.

And let’s just say that is one big Alpha Weiner. There’s even a scene where the scientists, um, produce elephant sperm. This involves essentially crawling into his butt to get to the Alpha Prostate gland. It’s amazing stuff.

Also amazing stuff? The Alpha Weizen. I shouldn’t have feared a wheat ale from NEBCO. It is not the tepid, bland, boring wheat ale that I usually avoid at all costs, other than to make fun of them on these pages.

The Alpha Weizen was crips, refreshing, slightly tangy and lemony with the required wheaty/grassy profile of hefs. But since this is NEBCO, there was a nice bitter, slightly piney hop presence that put this beer over the top. Did that hop addition move the beer closer to a pale ale?

Of course, but so what. It made a wheat ale delicious – a truly elephantine feat.

Overall Rating: B+
Rating vs. Similar style: A+

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